With the recent repose of Archimandrite Roman Braga of thrice-blessed memory, hieromonk and spiritual father to the nuns of Dormition Monastery in Rives Junction, MI, I have been reflecting on his remarkable life and teachings. These currently consist publicly of only one book and a scattering of interviews or anecdotal stories, though I do not doubt that his repose will spur a gradual blooming of literature surrounding his life and teachings.
Fr. Roman was shaped in various ways by his youth among pious Romanian Orthodox, by his 11 years in the Romanian Communist concentration camps, as well as his missionary work in Brazil and his spiritual fatherhood here in the United States. Those here in the U.S., who claim him as spiritual father, if only through his writing, have much to thank the Romanian Communists. Fr. Roman himself viewed these as wonderful, albeit terrible years. ‘What I do know,’ he said, ‘is that we will never reach the same spiritual level of life as in Communist imprisonment.’*
‘Not having anywhere to go or even to look out a window,’ he once said, regarding his time in solitary confinement, ‘you have to look, to go somewhere; and so you go inside yourself,inside your heart and inside your mind to examine yourself, to see who you are and why God brought you into this world. You question whether God even exists, and what is your relationship with God.’ ‘I started to recite the Jesus Prayer and practiced it intensely. Only then was I able to discover how beautiful the interior life of man is.’
He contrasted those years in prison with the ‘freedom’ of not being imprisoned.
‘When we were free we did not have time to ask ourselves these questions. Our faith was superficial because you can learn a lot of things and can have a mind like an Encyclopedia full of all the knowledge, but if you don’t know yourself and who you are!. Even if you know everything in the world you are superficial if you do not ask yourself who am I? Why do I exist? What is the destiny of my life? Why did God create me? If I believe in God what does God want from me? These things when you live in freedom you do not ask yourself because you are in a hurry to do a lot of things.’
The agenda of the Communists was to turn the intellectuals and especially the priests into beast, to ‘become like animals’ by depriving them of everything. At Pitesti, one of the camps Fr. Roman was held in, the specific goal was to destroy the personhood of the individual. ‘The interesting thing,’ Fr. Roman once said, ‘is that it did not happen. Instead you became yourself because you started to examine yourself.’
There are many lessons one can learn from Fr. Roman’s experience and teachings. Certainly, he has much to teach us about suffering and forgiveness. ‘Suffering is good not only for Christians but for everybody. Because if you do not suffer you do not understand anything.’ ‘After you experience suffering, you understand more and better things in this world, much deeper than the others who do not experience any suffering. So suffering is maturing you in your spiritual life. You should not avoid suffering but you should not look for it. God takes care of that.’
‘...Suffering is maturing you in your spiritual life.’
Our suffering should not lead us to retreat into isolation from our neighbor: ‘That is love. Not to live for yourself; to live for others and always deny yourself; to forget yourself and remember that others exist. That is Christian life. Not to say “what about me, and me, and I”; Who are you? You are nobody. Try not to pay too much attention to you. But when you say can I do something for you? Maybe you need me? That is meaningful Christian love. So suffering in this world is permitted by God that other Christians might concentrate their love on those suffering people and do something for them, to sacrifice themselves for them. In our own life suffering is permitted so we understand why Jesus was crucified.’
What is more wondrous is the forgiveness suffering teaches—even for those who cause our suffering! ‘I am able to forgive. I pray for those guards that tortured us in prison. I am not against them because I understand they were forced to do that. And you forgive only when you suffer. When you do not suffer, you do not want to forgive, then you are condemned.’
Equally important lessons from Fr. Roman have to do with the ‘free’ world we live in, in America. ‘I thought I came to a free country,’ Fr. Roman once said of his immigration to the U.S. ‘And that is true; you have the freedom to do anything you want, as long as you do not hurt anybody.... Speaking of the freedom of conscience and thought, I doubt that we are free because being free to do everything, you can destroy yourself if you are not mature. Freedom without responsibility is not freedom. Only when you are prevented of doing what you want to do, then you understand freedom. But when you say “I want to do everything I want” you are not free.... And many in our culture here in America think that they do not have to respect anything or anybody; they are free to do everything. This is not freedom.’
‘Our culture is oriented outside ourselves’...we need ‘a method to find myself’.
How do we cope with this freedom that enslaves? ‘Our culture is oriented outside ourselves’, and we need ‘a method to find myself’. We must find Christ within ourselves. ‘Christ first of all is in you. Christ is not just some nice guy. He is God and God is within you. God is in our conscience, in our heart, in our minds, is not something material you see outside of yourself. You find God in yourself. You descend in your personality.... You find God when you know yourself, when you know who you are. If you neglect that, “I don’t have time to think about myself”, you will never find God because God is not something material, you do not find Him in a specific place. God is always with you if you want Him to be with you. You find God when you find yourself. “Who am I?”
‘You have to talk with God everywhere you are. Walking on the street, driving the car, you can say “Lord You are in the front seat, I know that You are here, tell me something. Why did You create me?” You have lots of things, an infinite number of things to converse with God and God wants you to talk with Him because prayer is not how much you read in books or how long you are kneeling, prayer is the whole life. When you eat, when you drink, when you drive the car, when you discipline your children: You are in a state of prayer. Life is liturgy.... The whole life should be a liturgy—if you have the feeling of the existence of God. But you have to get that feeling of the existence of God...how? I always say, especially to young people, have a dialogue, a permanent dialogue with God. Sure you are busy...but always say: “Lord I know You are here, I didn’t forget You. Look at me and do not abandon me”. See many times this permanent dialogue with God becomes a prayer because prayer is a communication between man and God.... The definition of prayer is this: the feeling of the presence of God in you. And if you have this feeling of the presence of God you are in a continual prayer.... Prayer is to say I love you and I want to spend time with you. Ask God something. And don’t worry God is answering you even if you don’t think it. He’s giving you good hints and good suggestions on how to resolve your problems. So to find God in our culture here is to be conscious that God exists first and God exists not outside of yourself but inside. And God is always with you and you can get the feeling of the existence of God.’
-Fr. Matthew
*All quotations, as well as the title, come from either “God Is Always With You: An Interview with Father Roman Braga, Conducted by Ms. Jessica Precop”, or Exploring the Inner Universe: Joy—The Mystery of Life, by Archimandrite Roman Braga (HDM Press, 1996)
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